I am this dumb…

I once drove through a tornado.  I knew I was driving through a tornado too.  The people in my car had no idea until we got home.

I was about 17/18 I think.  It was one of those oppressively humid July days in Chicago.  The air was so heavy that it was actually hard to breathe.  Since there was a large group of us (about 10-15) we couldn’t all hang out at one persons house, and god forbid we disperse so that we could be in air conditioning.  Nope, instead we went go carting.  There was a pretty decent place about 20 minutes away from us.  The prices were good, the track was big and we could do some real damage, and the guy knew us and liked us enough to put up with our shenanigans. 

We had all started out racing, but me and a few of the other girls got bored after a few laps and decided that we wanted to go sit and smoke and watch the boys basically make asses of themselves. 

What I remember clearly is how one minute it was so hot and I was just sweating in the sun, and the next minute there was a really cool breeze and the sky was dark.  I looked up and realized that the sun had been blotted out by the green sky.  It’s kind of terrifying to realize that you are looking at green and not hearing any alarms.  I got into my car and turned it on and was listening to the radio only to hear what I already knew.  There was a tornado watch, and funnel clouds had been spotted right around the area that we were in. 

I left the car running and flipped my seats forward (it was a 2 door car and we had ridden in full capacity) and ran over to the fence to tell my passengers that we had to go right now.  I then told the other people to do the same thing that I had done (start the car, open the doors) so that we could get everyone into cars quickly.  Around the same time, the alarms started and the go cart guy decided it may be time to close up shop, so luckily there was no whining.

My passengers got into the car quickly enough and I was able to get into my car and hit the gas and get out of dodge before anyone else.  While we were on our way home, the passengers were just talking and had no idea really why I was freaking out.  Of course they had no idea because they weren’t seeing what I was seeing in my rearview mirror or in my moon roof.  And what I saw was swirling. 

I’ve never been a fan of tornadoes.  I’ve actually never been stuck in one, I haven’t been in an area where one has hit while I’ve been there; it’s just something I fear because I see the destruction it leaves in it’s wake.  My boyfriend at this time had taken me to see Twister in the movie theater, and the whole time I was convinced (because it was the right weather) that a tornado was going on outside the entire time we were at the movie. 

When the hail started, I should have pulled over.  When the horizontal rain started, I should have pulled over.  When I saw the swirling, I should have pulled over underneath an overpass.  When I saw a funnel cloud drop just a little, I should have stopped underneath an overpass and made everyone get out of the car and go cower with the pigeons.  But, I didn’t.  I hit the gas and went even faster.  I just wanted to get home.  I had no intention of dying under an overpass.  Nope, I wanted to die in my car trying to get home.  If my passengers knew what I was doing, they may have insisted that I pull over to what they thought would be safety.  I was not dumb, I had no intention of telling them what I saw.  Instead I had to field a million stupid questions.

“That hail didn’t last too long, did it?”

“Wow, the rain is coming down sideways.  Is it really windy or what?”

“What does it mean when the sky is green?”

“Can you see the others?  You left really quickly.”

“Why are you going so fast?  Doesn’t 90 seem excessive?”

“Do I hear storm sirens?”

“Can I turn the radio back on now?”

“Why are all of those other cars pulling over?”

“Did I just see people under that bridge?”

We all made it home safely.  I just happend to make it home safely first.  I remember pulling into my boyfriends driveway, shutting off and crawling out of the car.  Then I crawled to the front porch and proceeded to chain smoke for about 15 minutes.  I was still smoking when the others arrived.  It was when the others showed up that my passengers had found out about the funnel clouds.  They were a little angry, but the drivers of the other cars were impressed by my ability to drive so quickly and safely. 

By the time we had gotten home, the storm had already passed our area so we were safe there and the weather had cooled off.  This allowed us to be able to sit outside it realitive peace, and give me shit for the rest of the night about how stupid and reckless (according to the people who had been in my car, who not only made it home alive, but safely too) I had acted. 

Things to do when stuck in traffic

Friday afternoon/early evening, I went with my girlfriend and her son (the 2 year old) to a children’s museum.  My girlfriend is a daycare teacher and very into her son learning and being around other children.  Since her husband is out of town on a job, I joined her for the excursion. 

The museum was great.  I like to just watch people (I will often go to the mall and sit somewhere and watch the insanity) and I think parents (sorry) tend to be the funniest breed ever.  The children don’t really care what they are doing, all they know is that they are free to run around and in this particular building there is nothing that they are not allowed to touch.  Of course all the parents are trying to get pictures of their children doing these wonderful activities and a lot of the parents I observed wanted their children in some ridiculous pose.  This alone was worth the price of admission for me (it should be noted that no admission was paid on my part because my girlfriend and her husband had bought a membership for one year).

The museum closed at 5:00 pm, so of course everyone and their mother is out on the road at that time because it’s Friday and rush hour.  Not to mention that we have to pass O’Hare Airport which always makes for fun traffic, and then on top of all of that it starts to snow.  People in Chicago always act like it’s a big surprise that we get snow.  Every year we go through some kind of dementia that makes us forget that we experience a good portion of the weather elements including, but not limited to, snow.  So, traffic has slowed to a standstill and my girlfriend and I start to think that the planes are landing on the toll road when the boredom of being stuck in a car for over and hour in the same 2 mile strip of road takes over. 

Digital cameras are dangerous objects for bored people to have.  I don’t know how legal this was, but let me say that no license plate pictures were taken and I’m pretty sure that no one actually saw the flash but us.  And God knows we weren’t doing anything above 5 miles an hour.                                                                                                                        

The thing that started this was, well some people think a car is a dome of invisibility.  I saw a guy all alone in his car and perhaps due to his bad habit, that is for the best.  If he hadn’t been knuckle deep into his nose, I would have let it go and not said a single word.  But he was, so I had to say something to my friend.  At this point she said that wouldn’t it be funny if people thought someone was taking pictures of them in their car.  I agreed (boredom will make all good judgement go out the window) and proceeded to dig my camera out of my purse.  Now, I wasn’t really taking pictures, more holding the camera up to the window and pressing the button so that the flash would go off.  I have some wonderful pictures of snow on the windows.  At one point we saw a car that was pulled over on the shoulder.  He must have slid on the snow because he was facing traffic the wrong way.  They were teenagers of course so we had to take their picture.  My girlfriend took the picture from her side of the car (we weren’t moving) but alas more pictures of the snow.