Everyone is talking about their memories of that day. Sadly, one of my four readers was actually involved in one of these attacks. I realize my story is tame by comparison and would never ask anyone who actually went through it to tell me about it. Some scary things can’t be shared with someone who has no idea what it could possibly be like to live in that fear in the moment that it’s happening.
The morning of September 11, 2001 was a pretty normal one. It was a Tuesday, and Tuesday meant that I closed at the library that night. I’m a morning person by nature and instead of doing something healthy and productive with my 23-year-old self, I sat down on the couch drinking a regular coke and eating pop tarts. Ten years ago MTV and VH1 still played music videos and I would use my free weekly morning to catch up on anything recent.
God forbid I go work out, or watch the news or something useful.
So I’m watching one of the music channels and all of a sudden the news cuts in. MTV and VH1 are based out of New York, so if something interesting is happening in New York their local news will occasionally cut in. But, only if it’s really important.
I looked up in time to see that a building was smoking. Apparently a plane had crashed into it. I figured it was just a small private plane. I wasn’t listening to the tv, simply watching. My brain couldn’t comprehend what was happening, so I changed the channel.
News was on every station, except the movie channels. That was the moment I realized something was wrong.
I headed over to one of our local channels, probably channel 5 which is NBC for us and I trusted them to report things accurately. I turned it on just in time to see the second plane crash into the second tower.
I remember gasping, and sitting on the couch with my hand over my mouth in complete and utter shock.
I started to think if I knew anyone who was traveling that day. Was my dad and step mother home or were they traveling? My future father in law travels over seas a lot, was he home or was this a travel day? Yet, I couldn’t get up the courage to call anyone. I was too afraid to find out.
Eventually my husband, at the time boyfriend, came out of the bedroom. He also had a late start that night, but he usually worked nights. He wandered out, kissed me on the forehead, looked at the tv and asked me what movie I was watching.
That was when it hit me.
I looked at him and told him I was watching the news. Planes had crashed into the World Trade Center Towers in New York.
I can’t remember when the news about the Pentagon came on. I watched though as the towers fell, one after the other. I just went numb. And then the flight in Pennsylvania crashed. It just felt like the hits kept coming.
The news was going on and on about where the next attacks could be: Los Angeles, Chicago, the White House…nobody knew and the world was just guessing.
Eventually I got dressed and drove into work where it was so quiet. The library was never that quiet. Two of my three bosses were in the break room watching the news. The third was trying to locate family who was supposed to be traveling that day.
When I got home from work that night, I turned on the news again. I don’t know why, at that point it was like a perverse need to see what was happening. To continue to watch the devastation.
Ten years later, I can close my eyes and still see people running from those buildings as they burn, as they collapse. I can still hear the news reporting that civilians took down flight 93 to avoid it becoming another attack. It breaks my heart.
The only thing that gives me peace, is the idea that I have a child now who may never have to know that kind of fear in this world. And not because of overly bumped up airport security. Maybe, just maybe he will never have to watch people fall or jump from a burning building because they have no other means of escape. Because, while I may not have been there to live it, I watched it. I saw everything that the news had to offer.
My heart and prayers go out to the people who lost family and friends that day. My heart and prayers go out to anyone who went through that day. May your dreams not be plagued every night by what you saw.
